p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
