Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize