Sponge bath it is.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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