Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(425): View more from Washington

God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.

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(425): God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis. http://tfl.nu/n22o

Replies (21) Good night (484) Bad night (2117)
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(541): View more from Oregon

Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.

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(541): Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia. http://tfl.nu/enyb

Replies (14) Good night (1162) Bad night (2168)
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(305): View more from Florida

If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining

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(305): If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining http://tfl.nu/lz11

Replies (24) Good night (5407) Bad night (681)
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(608): View more from Wisconsin

the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy

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(608): the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy <3's balls" is written in sharpie across my forehead http://tfl.nu/cffy

Replies (24) Good night (1575) Bad night (4607)
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(765): View more from Indiana

i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring

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(765): i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring http://tfl.nu/hl5v

Replies (13) Good night (1004) Bad night (5936)
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(401): View more from Rhode Island

No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"

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(401): No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out" http://tfl.nu/ac7g

Replies (3) Good night (2731) Bad night (806)
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(513): View more from Ohio

I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"

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(513): I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem" http://tfl.nu/bkek

Replies (4) Good night (1954) Bad night (760)
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(480): View more from Arizona

you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...

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(480): you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future... http://tfl.nu/18be

Replies (5) Good night (1691) Bad night (1174)
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(310): View more from California

I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis

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(310): I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis http://tfl.nu/97wg

Replies (22) Good night (1984) Bad night (700)
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(714): View more from California

You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.

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(714): You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world. http://tfl.nu/6m84

Replies (15) Good night (3636) Bad night (735)
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(847): View more from Illinois

Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding

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(847): Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding http://tfl.nu/svxp

Replies (16) Good night (4929) Bad night (1051)
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(309): View more from Illinois

Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.

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(309): Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash. http://tfl.nu/otoe

Replies (2) Good night (500) Bad night (1323)
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(716): View more from New York

Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?

(585): View more from New York

Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.

(716): View more from New York

.......

(585): View more from New York

I'm just looking out for you.

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(716): Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday? (585): Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change. (716): ....... (585): I'm just looking out for you. http://tfl.nu/cj8v

Replies (16) Good night (2440) Bad night (706)
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(613): View more from Ontario

What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??

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(613): What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand?? http://tfl.nu/viz5

Replies (24) Good night (659) Bad night (1473)
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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation

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(902): you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation http://tfl.nu/4hrf

Replies (1) Good night (243) Bad night (477)

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