Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
We named our party play list daddy issues
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that