brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
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He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
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I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.