she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.