I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad