someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
