did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Dicks are not precious.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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