So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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