My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
