I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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