I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
