All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
