I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
