do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
