Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I think my fart just growled at me.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
