she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Success! We fucked roommates!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
