Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
