So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
