Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
