I seem to have left my pride at pride
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
