I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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