My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
