Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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