i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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