why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Randomize
