So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
