I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Pooping to opera.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
