love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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