Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
