your parents love me but you hate me
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
