I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
