So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Found your dick twin last night
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
