My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
