I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
