once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i want to swaddle you in tequila
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
