When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Reggie can tackle my bush.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
