just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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