mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
