I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
