wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
