me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
