Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
