I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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