I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
