i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
