sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
