please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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