Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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