He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
