pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
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First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
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If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.