your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
