she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just saw the nastiest chick.
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..