I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
29 People Who Do Dirty Things Just To Get Their Way
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"