If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.