Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You had me at "let me see your balls"
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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