So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.