Hey man sorry I got all grabby
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?