yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site