i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
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Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
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You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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