What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
