This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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