Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i think my mom watched the whole time
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i will never coherently bang her
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
