Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
