Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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