I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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