just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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