Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
