put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
