if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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