Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
