dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize