Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending