how can u be prego again
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
