Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
